Every single child in foster care has experienced loss. Being separated from your biological family, regardless of the circumstances, presents substantial loss in so many ways. Understanding how grief and loss impact the brain, and how they can manifest in a child's life, will be so beneficial for your journey as a foster parent.
I can't think of a more impactful resource than Kaitlyn Odom Fiedler's book, titled "What Now? Finding Renewed Life in Christ," which was released in April 2023.
Having survived a car accident that took the lives of her parents and four of her siblings, nobody understands grief and loss quite like Kaitlyn. Her life turned upside down at eight years old, and she shares about her journey in this MUST READ book. She paints a vivid and raw picture of what her thought processes were like as a child going through grief, while gracefully sharing hope and encouragement for people on their own grief journeys.
Even if you haven't experienced loss personally, Fiedler also shares specific ways that you can support someone who is grieving. I was able to connect so many dots between Kaitlyn's experience and what children in foster care may think or feel. Her story has given me a new level of compassion for children who display behaviors or emotions that I can't fully understand.
I've listed some quotes from Fiedler's story that could be eye opening for anyone who is parenting a child from a background of grief or loss.
"There were people around me who provided physically, but emotionally, I felt like it was me against the world. I was stranded. I had to re-learn how to live. I had to re-learn everything I thought I knew about life—even something as small as learning how to play again. How do you play again without your four other siblings that you used to play with every day? How do you “make believe play” when any amount of imagination feels impossible to muster?"
"In my mind, I was certain that if I opened up, no one would understand or be able to help me... it was easier just to not think about it and try to move on."
"I had to be tough in order to survive."
"My methods of self-protecting and coping were to never be the cause of any conflict."
"In many ways, I felt the same as my peers; but in many ways, I felt completely different. It was usually just casual conversations with friends that would be a trigger for me out of nowhere."
"And they [kids] might test the authority figures in their life, sharing little bits at first to see how they react to make sure they're a safe place to land with their feelings. If what they share stays safe and is understood and protected, then they'll be willing to share more."
If you are hoping to foster in the future or you're currently caring for kiddos, this book will bless you and give you a renewed perspective on a child's experience of grief and loss. Kaitlyn also has experience as a respite foster mom herself! You can find her book on Amazon.com, Christianbook.com or barnesandnoble.com.
Emily | Respite Foster Mom